Yellow Butterfly
by Magdalan-Saiyan-Toa
Summary: And I, I can still hear that scream it's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me. Grab my hand, I can't, I can't. I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves. Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.


****

So the musical here went over better than planned. We got a lot of positive feedback (i.e. "Better than watching American Idol!", "Best musical the school has ever done!", and "It looked and sounded so professional!"). Yeah, I'm happy our choir director decided to do what we did. I haven't cried yet. I probably will soon, once everything settles down after the children's show. There's a lot of bull going around because of some issues with one of the girls from the musical (she was complaining too much how nobody would go to her night) but we've always had problems with her. Ah well, he show wasn't chosen, so I'm happy.

**It's official, btw, I'm going to ACen this year! If you're going to be there, let me know. We might be able to hang out for a while.**

**Well onto a much more depressing songfic.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bionicle or any of its characters, nor do I own the song "Yellow Butterfly" by Meg & Dia. I recommend that you play this song while reading the fic.**

* * *

**Yellow Butterfly**

"Mommy, mommy!" the girl called back to me, her red curls bouncing this way and that. Her eyes were as golden was the daffodils that surrounded the river. Her freckled cheeks were dimpled and round with innocence. "Isn't the river pretty today, mommy?"

I looked at the sky. It was a dark gray and looked as if it would rain at any minute. The river was moving swiftly due to last nights rain. But for her, I smiled in agreement. The river was always pretty to her because this was the same spot, by this river, that her father proposed to me.

"Be careful, Uri." I said, sitting down. "The riverside will be slippery."

I wasn't too sure if she heard me, but I knew that she knew to be safe by the river.

My mind turned to making her a crown of daffodils, something I hadn't done since I was a child. I skillful fingers weaved the crown of steams and leaves. I smiled at the crown and remembered the first time my mother made me one. I had been Uri's age.

A splash startled me and I looked up.

"Mommy!" Uri cried. "Mommy!"

* * *

_She was just 5 years old.  
A slightly moody day.  
She couldn't stay away from the river's edge and I,  
I turned my back to count  
All the daffodil seeds that surrounded.  
I closed my eyes and then heard the water wake up._

* * *

"Uri!" I chocked, racing down the river to reach her. Her red hair bobbed above the quick rapids of the river in a way that reminded me of blood. She hadn't struggled against the currents to breathe or call to me.

I prayed she hadn't hit her head.

* * *

_And I,  
I can still hear that scream  
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.  
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.  
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves._

* * *

I found a branch that dangled over the river and looked like it supported my weight. I had run past my little Uri's body and hoped she knew I hadn't given up on her yet.

"Uri," I called, seeing her near me at an alarming pace, "grab my hand."

Her eyes blinked through the waves up at me and her head came above the waves. Her hand shot up, wet with water and blood.

I grabbed hold of her small wrist but I knew she was slipping.

"Hold on, Uri." I sobbed, blinking away tears.

"I can't, mommy! I can't!" she sputtered as I fought the current for my only daughter.

She slipped through my fingers as the branch snapped.

* * *

_Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.  
Where did you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?_

* * *

My world was filled with water and a sinking feeling.

Uri! Where was Uri?

I shot up out of the river and swam with the current, looking for Uri. I called for her as I fought to stay above the depths of the river.

I couldn't loose Uri. I couldn't!

"Gali!"

I whirled around to see Tahu running alongside the river following me.

I swam to him with what little strength I had.

Within minutes I was out of the river and in his warmth.

"Uri!" I sobbed. "Uri's still in there!"

* * *

_Were the angels that lonely,  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away._

* * *

"Hush." he whispered. "Kopaka will find her. Hush, Gali, you're safe. You're alright."

He rocked the two of us back and forth.

My teeth chattered as I pondered if my daughter was alive or not. I prayed she was.

Tahu's voice rumbled in his chest in a way that was comforting. His warmth embraced me and held me close.

We waited for what felt like hours to me but could only have been twenty minutes.

Kopaka walked over to us, holding the limp form of Uri.

I pulled away from Tahu and held my arms out to Kopaka. He hesitated before handing me Uri.

I cradled her in my arms like I had when she was a baby.

"Uri," I cooed, "please wake up. Uri, please. It's mommy. Uri, please wake up for mommy! Uri!"

I felt my eyes sting, knowing that Uri was never going to wake up. My body numbed as fresh tears trickled down my cheeks.

I hadn't felt the rain drizzle down on me, or when Tahu wrapped his coat around me. Nothing mattered to me except little Uri, who was forever gone.

Nothing mattered to me except Uri, who had died before she had the chance to experience life.

* * *

_It's been 5 years since then  
And when it hits September,  
I feel like I'm dying again.  
Ian still won't even talk to me,  
Talk to me. Isn't this pain guilt enough?  
I can't even look out the window  
Without seeing figures distorted in the sun._

* * *

Time passed. Spring became Summer. Summer became Fall. Fall became Winter. Winter became Spring.

I cycled like that for what felt like decades to me. Uri had died and I had yet to move on. I was left alone for countless hours and was cold to the world around me. My friends stayed close but at a distance now. They didn't quite understand what it meant to loose a child.

Tahu, my first and only love in life, had never cried for Uri. I loathed him because he didn't cry. I needed him to show me his tears so I could begin to heal. It was all I asked of him.

But he never did.

He never cried for Uri.

* * *

_And I,  
I can still hear that scream  
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.  
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.  
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves._

* * *

"Gali?" Tahu called softly to me. "Are you ready to go home?"

I shook my head and glared at the river that took Uri from me. It was so peaceful and calm now, not like it had bee that day.

Like I did that day, I sat down and weaved a crown of daffodils. When it was done, I smiled down at it and kissed it.

"I'm sorry you never got to wear a crown such at this, Uri." I said to the ring of flowers. "I hope you'll forgive me for not paying attention to you. I should have."

I kissed each flower on the crown for every year she had lived and then I kissed each flower again for how many years had passed before gently laying the crown in the flowing mirror.

Tahu waited for me. He was silent and patient, unlike he had been when I had first met him. I missed that old him, he wasn't afraid to show his emotions.

The old him wouldn't have been afraid to cry for Uri in front of me.

* * *

_Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.  
Where did you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?  
Where'd you go?_

* * *

"God damn it, Tahu!" I screeched, "Don't you trust me anymore?"

"I do trust you!" he said back at the same volume. "I just want you to trust me!"

"Why don't you open up to me anymore, then, huh? Ever since Uri—"

"Stop bringing up Uri! Every time I try to talk to you, you bring her back up! You aren't coping with her death, Gali— it's not healthy."

"You don't miss her at all!" I accused, feeling tears stream down my flushed cheeks.

"That's a lie, and you know it!"

"How do I?" I said, grabbing the cars keys and my purse, and running out the door.

"Gali!" he called after me. I ignored him.

* * *

_Were the angels that lonely,  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away._

* * *

I drove. I had to get away from Tahu, the house, from all my memories of Uri...

It was dark. I didn't know where I was going. Light flashed by and people came and disappeared in the dark, like ghosts.

My body trembled and tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

I went on for hours like that, until I decided to stop.

* * *

_And when the Pain hits me like gunshot  
oh, and I'm heading on the way to the floor.  
I hear her name and it kills me.  
Bottles up, bottles up, bottles up._

* * *

The liquor burned my throat and I coughed at the taste of the first few sips.

"You alright, ma'am?" someone asked.

I looked at the speaker. He was young with caring amber eyes and dark chocolate curls. He would be considered handsome to any girl.

"I'm fine." I sighed.

"You sure? You don't look fine to me."

"It's nothing. My husband and I got into a fight, is all."

"Husband? Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you don't look old enough to be married."

"And what's it to you? I'm thirty-two years and going strong."

"Ma'am, you don't look over twenty-two."

"Funny, my husband says that."

"He must've been quite charming to catch you."

* * *

_And I'm trying my best to hurt me.  
Ian says it's never enough.  
A razor to the wrist for each unshed tear.  
Cough it up.  
Drink it up.  
Drink it up._

* * *

"Tahu? Hardly. He was my childhood friend. He had always been pompous and overprotective. But he was my first and only love. I think I was foolish when I married him.

"You see, I had gone to this party at my dorm, and I had drunk quite a bit. Some guy bedded me and Tahu found me an hour later, stone drunk and out cold. I woke up at his room at his house near my dorm the next morning, ashamed of what had happened to me. But Tahu promised that no matter what had happened, he would be there for me. He promised that when we were just kids in the schoolyard, thinking that he would be an astronaut and I would be a princess of some far off kingdom. Stupid, huh?"

"Not stupid." the young man said. "It's a childhood friendship that became love. That's hardly stupid."

"Thanks. Anyway, three month later, it turns out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell my parents, they didn't believe in having sex before you were married. They were old fashioned like that. I told Tahu by the river near the houses we grew up in and he proposed right then and there. He didn't care if the child I was carrying was his or not, he was ready to be a father. But I wasn't ready to be a mother.

"Tahu's three years older than me, you know? My parents already liked him well enough and his mother adored me. You see, Tahu didn't have a dad growing up, so he wanted to be the best father he could be to make up for it. So, my parent approved of him marrying me, despite the three year difference.

"Tahu raised Uri with me, neither of us telling my parents what really happened. They just thought Tahu and I had sex— which they didn't like— and we found out that I was pregnant with Uri before we got married. They were just happy that we decided to make the smart choice and get married before Uri was born.

"But then... It was a cloudy day promising rain. The rocks by the river were still wet the previous night's rain and Uri slipped and fell in. I couldn't save her. Tahu couldn't save her. _Nobody_ could have saved her— even if they had wanted to.

"And you know what the bastard does?" I asked the young man who shook his head. "He doesn't do anything! Not even _cry_ for her!"

"Ma'am, I think he just wants to be strong for you, if you don't mind me saying."

"Why didn't he save Uri?"

"Because he wasn't supposed to. Everything happens for a reason, ma'am, no matter how bad it is."

"You think?"

"I know."

* * *

_Were the angels that lonely,  
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?  
Can't everybody just lie to me?  
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.  
Every night on a Monday  
I will visit the same spot that I hate.  
Yes, the place that baby loved.  
Now she can taste it. It took her away._

* * *

"What's your name?" I slurred to the young man.

"Pohatu, ma'am. Pohatu Irving." he said.

"Nice to meet you, Pohatu Irving. I'm Gali Küchenbecker."

"Ma'am, tell me, how much do you love your husband?"

"I guess... Yeah, I do."

"I think you should go back to him. I know he loves you more than you think. He has to be strong for you when you're vulnerable. Trust me, drinking alcohol won't solve your problem."

"You think I should? He won't be mad, will he?"

"No, ma'am, you're husband stayed by you all those years your daughter was gone. I reckon he'll stay with you another thousand."

"Thank you, Pohatu Irving."

"You're welcome, ma'am."

I took Pohatu Irving's words to heart.

He was worried about a girl driving home with drinking a few (four) beers, but I had drunk more before and knew that four was nothing. It was sweet of him to worry, though. He would make some girl happy someday, I just knew it.

The rain had settled down to a soft drizzle and I felt better. Talking to a complete stranger about my problems unnerved me but just talking about them made me feel better.

I felt lighter, more comfortable with myself than I had. Less angry with the world around me and less angry with Tahu, who would be waiting up for me like he always did.

I closed my eyes and smiled, allowing myself to be enveloped in this happier me.

But as I did, I didn't see the car. I heard it's horn and swerved to the right and into the dark reflections of the lake.

The last thing I saw was Uri waving towards me, laughing like she used to.

* * *

_So I had a coma  
When I crashed my car in the lake,  
And I saw your face baby, I knew it was no mistake._

* * *

I woke up in a room that smelled sterilized and of flowers. There was an IV dripping a liquid into my system. The walls were white. The bed sheets crisp and the sun filtered in through the open window.

Tahu had fallen asleep, curled up on a chair that didn't look in the least bit comfortable. He looked as innocent and sweet as the day I married him. I had forgotten how gentle he could look in those dark years.

I gentle poked him and he mumbled something incoherent, like he had done in high school. Again I poked him, this time with a bit more force.

He looked up at me with sleepy, pink eyes.

"Gali." he mumbled. "Am I dreaming?"

I shook my head.

"No."

"Do you feel better?"

"A little. How about you?"

"Much, knowing you're awake and well. God, Gali! You scared the shit out of me. When I heard you crashed into the lake, I felt that I had lost you too. I don't think I could have gone on without you."

"I love you, too, Tahu."

"I never said 'I love you'."

"No, but that's what you meant. How long was I out?"

"Two months. Don't scare me like that again, okay?"

"Okay, as long as you promise to always be there for me, no matter what."

"I promise."

* * *

_So I went to the doctor,  
And I told him oh my heart would break  
If I couldn't see you.  
__He just gave me more pills._

* * *

"Mrs. Küchenbecker, here is my prescription."

"What is it for?" I took the slip of paper from the psychiatrists hand.

"Antidepressants."

"Why do I need them?"

"For your suicidal thoughts."

"My... What makes you think I'm suicidal?"

"Please, Mrs. Küchenbecker, calm down."

"I am _perfectly_ calm. Just tell me, what makes you think I'm suicidal?"

"Mrs. Küchenbecker, it took you several years to get over your daughter's death. Death in a family is hard, especially on the mother of the child. Many mother's feel suicidal for a long time afterwards. The matter of you driving into the lake—"

"Has nothing to do with Uri!"

"I am afraid, Mrs. Küchenbecker, that you will need to take the antidepressants until I think you are well enough to be taken off them."

* * *

_But I saw you up there.  
Still floating by the river.  
God you always loved that river.  
I bet your heaven looks just like it._

* * *

"He wants me to take antidepressants." I told Uri's grave by the river. "He thinks I'm crazy. I made you another crown." I placed it on the grave. "I have another one for the river. I hope you know that I miss you, Uri. I really miss you. But you're happy now, aren't you? So, I guess I should be happy too. I won't be coming here as often. I got a new job. It's at the day care center that you used to go to. Goodbye, Uri."

I walked over to the river and tossed the second crown into the river.

"Gali, are you ready to go home?" Tahu asked from the spot he had been waiting at.

"One minute." I said.

I dug into my pocket and grabbed the prescription for the antidepressants and tore it up. I don't need any artificial drugs to help me, I have Tahu and my friends for that.

Smiling, I walked over to Tahu who wrapped his arm around me.

"You needed that prescription, Gali." he said.

"Hardly." I argued.

He smiled.

"I missed the old you." he sighed, resting his forehead against mine.

"I missed the old me, too."

A fluttering yellow shape caught our eye. Hand in hand we walked over to it and looked down. It was a little, yellow butterfly in a little puddle.

Carefully, I managed to get the butterfly out of the puddle without touching it's wings. I set it on a rock.

"There you go, little one." I said to it. "Dry your wings before flying."

"Come on, Gali." Tahu said quietly.

"It was the least I could do for it." I said to him as we walked away. "I couldn't watch it drown. I had to save it."

Tahu nodded, understanding what I meant.

I couldn't watch the butterfly drown like Uri had. I did all I could for it.

Looking back, I could have sworn that I saw the yellow butterfly become Uri, who smiled and waved at me.

Uri was in a much better place, somewhere it was safe and it was always sunny.

I would tell her little brother, whom we were expecting, about her someday. He'll love just as much I did, I just know it.

* * *

_Then I'll like it too,  
__Even though it scares me now when I'm alone,  
__But when I'm with you,  
I'll be just fine, I'll be just fine  
We can sit.,  
we talk about,  
talk about,  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies,  
Butterflies._

* * *

**My cousin turned me to Meg & Dia. I wouldn't have listened to them if he hadn't. When I heard this song for the first time, I cried. I was startled by how beautiful and sad the song was. It was then I decided to write a songfic. I never really got around to it until recently. **


End file.
